Denial

AEJ and I are scheduled to move one week from tomorrow. Yes, around 8-9am on August 30, a big ol’ 18-wheeler will pull onto our street, four guys will load all of our belongings onto it (except for Loki and a suitcase with enough clothes to sustain us while we drive cross-country in our new car), and as of that evening, we’ll lock our NY apartment doors for the last time, get in that car, and officially leave the city where I’ve lived for 10 years — essentially my entire adult life.

I think I’m in denial about it. AEJ and I saw “The Great American Trailer Park Musical” last night, thanks to our friend Damien, who’s the drummer in the show. After the show, we got dinner with him and a few of his friends, and although we talked about the fact that I’m moving 3000 miles away, I kept trying not to acknowledge it. Damien and I have been great friends since the beginning of our Freshman year of college, and we were roommates at Juilliard, and I’ve written almost all of my percussion parts (including my Percussion Concerto) with him in mind. Even though our schedules don’t allow us to get together as regularly as we’d like, he comes over for the occasional movie, or we grab lunch, or I see him play shows. We’ve been friends since we were 18, and we’ve lived in the same cities for almost that entire time.

I try telling myself that I’ll see some of my NY friends more often once I live in LA. They’ll be there for performances, or I’ll be back in NYC for music events, or… something. I have to tell myself this, or I get terribly sad, and the last thing I want to do is hang out with a friend for what could be the last time for a long time, and let myself break down. Newman wanted to throw us a farewell party, and nothing seemed sadder than that, so I declined. I’m trying to pretend that I’m just going to LA for a residency, and I’ll be right back.

Watching Six Feet Under last night, the end of the show had an extra, unintented element of melancholy (slight spoiler alert), as Claire said goodbye to all of her family and got into her car to drive from LA to New York. Yes, she was driving the opposite move we’re going to make, but the timing of the episode made her move feel terribly sad. She had a new adventure ahead, but that doesn’t make it any easier to leave the ones you love.

So, yes, there’s a lot of excitement and opportunity to come, and I think we’re going to love California, but wow… I sure wish our friends could move with us.

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